need or want?

i feel a need to update my blog. although there’s nothing to write about.
just pretty sick and tired of pretending that i like her.
i mean, yes, she’s nice. she treats me well and all.

i am just sick and tired of being the eldest and having to keep this secret.
people who doesnt even understand can just bloody hell fuck off.

i am just tired of losing my money at home.
i can put ten bucks at home and dont use it for two days,
the money and fucking go missing on its own.
tell me about it man. losing 25 bucks in total.

okay. lastly, i hope mr wan and ms ayu are free to meet me tomorrow.
they better! before i go slap them off the chair! wait for me to watch avatar!

look what you’ve done.

i feel a sudden need to update my blog.
anyways, the past one month has been very dramatic.
experienced many first times in life.
thinking about it make me smile.
the colleagues were good.
though there was some conflicts with the interns at first.
but everything was good after the first week.

hey friend,
its a complicated secret affair for us.
but come out soon.
cos you know i miss you the minute you step in camp. (:
see you next week.

quick update

alright. one short post before i mia again.

for the whole of the august month, i was working in the airport for an event under grid.
photos are not really up yet, but you can see it from gena’s blog.
met fun people there, talked and laughed alot.
although its a long hours, plus no life job, i still like it.
because i deal with many people.
only made one mistake for the whole event, which was because of my stupid mouth again.
alright, so the airport was fun. (:
i learnt so many new japanese and korean words. the one with the impact was ’shi bal’.
haha. go find out if you wanna know. (:

and then it was a one week break which started since saturday.
i should say this one week was spent well.
slept till 1pm on saturday and sunday.
went to mind’s cafe to play with jocelyn, kelvin (kelly), ernest (ernie or esther), wan and zhenrong.
too bad pat and shahfie couldnt come. if not it should be more fun. (:
met peiying for dinner, had a good talk with her.
finally get to see someone i can trust.
(dont understand why some people must lie when they like someone. like the say like la. why must deny?)

anyways, tuesday was off to XuHe’s house for dinner.
which i surprisingly loved the food his mum cooked.
talked ALOT with the mum. everything and anything that i didnt tell anyone.
because i knew she could be trusted. (:

so today is friday and i’m going down for the f1 training later.
good news is i went for an interview last friday and got a job in the law firm as a i dont even know what position is that. for what i do is photocopying and making coffee. i dont mind starting low with a thousand two pay. but the person who interviewed me kuai lan me and i didnt like it.
its either i take up the thousand two law firm full time job or i take up the f1 at changi job for a thousand seven.
if amy screw me up later at training, i will go to the law firm job, if not, i dont mind a part time job.
you understand what i am saying? cos i dont.

so if i work for f1, i will see you back here in one month’s time. miss me okay.
MESSAGE ME LAH~ (:

yunjae fetish.

finally i am going to update. cos finally i want to. (:
was supposed to start working this week but i rejected it cos of the airport job.
but until now, i havent received a call from them.
i swear my mum is going to screw me upside down if i dont get it.
and i am going to fuck myself side to side if i dont get it. I SWEAR!
another thing is i PASSED my japanese beginner one. i am so happy.

kay, what i am suppose to update is my birthday.

on my birthday this year, its a little different. i didnt spend it with pet. should i be happy or not.
anyways, i met jay and aizhen at bishan and we went to party world to sing.
it was a very slow singing session. until mandy came.
until jessica came and surprised me with a cake. haha.
the cake was damn nice. i really like it. i am going to buy it again soon. (:
and then we all started to sing dongbang songs.
the place where we sang was a little smaller than usual.
so we were actually screaming at the top of our lungs.
its scared the people who walked past. they turned and look at us and gave a what the fuck face. (:
haha. i love it. first time in three years i am enjoying my birthday.
after that, we had the major phototaking session. and left for chomp chomp.

met debra there and err. jay’s friend cheehan. abit random though.
ate the usual at chomp chomp and met some typical singaporean or i think they are taiwanese.
fucking uncle and auntie attitude.
they were standing right behind our table and talking so loudly and blocking our wind.
and when jay finally told them to wait somewhere else and we will call them as soon as we are done,
he gave jay his number and finally that whole group of uncles and aunties walked away.
just when we had 20 minutes or so of peace, they came back.
they told jay, remember to call him and he will be just there.
and when we were about to finish and wanted to go wash our hands,
they said, why dont we just take our seats first, and i was like what the fuck?
and then i stomped off. stupid losers. come earlier if you want to grab a seat.
stop hurrying people and then say oh dont choke on your food. cheebye.

after that we went to ice cube. (:
had waffle and ice cream and whoohoo. it ended with a nice day.
really enjoyed it.
its a pity pet didnt come in the end. after all, we spent our birthday together for three years or more. (:
lets have the same again round table girls. (:
THANK YOU. [lao ai. can i have the photos please. i want to upload de horx.]

that was so long ago. but i love it. (:

i like the way you do it. (:

i like the way they answer. especially the ones in bold. (:

Fan: Although I really want to master Japanese, but…. Tell me how to master Japanese~ I want to be able to speak Japanese as fluently as TVXQ.
JJ: You can watch Japanese dramas, and the best method is to communicate with Japanese people

Fan: If Oppas sang us lullabies, I’d fall asleep really quickly
JJ: Sleep well~ My children~ (T/N: Jae singing a lullaby)

Fan: Imagining Jaejoong in a suit, it must be difficult for the people who witness such a beautiful sight, yes?
JJ: Why is it that you don’t see my heart, that is searching for you? TT

Fan: Jaejoong-oppa. Can’t I call you “Jaejoong-ah”?
JJ: Yeah, you can’t! Kekeke. Let’s go to sleep now together! Let’s dream together? ^^?

Fan: Oppa is mine
JJ: I belong to myself

Fan: Give me kimchi made by Kim Jaejoong! Oppa, I really want to eat kimchi made by Oppa!!
JJ: Although I’m very confident… ^^n You should buy the ingredients and come here^^

Fan: Still not replying your children’s messages after so long? I can drink soju too!!
JJ: Then drink! But, I’ve replied ^^!

Fan: Joongie, I’m here! Jaejoong-ah, where are you!!
JJ: Jaejoong is here!!

Fan: Is this a person, a doll or a spirit?
JJ: A person!! ^^

Fan: Oppas said before that if you got first on the Oricon charts, you’d rent an amusement park for all the fans, you must keep your promise~
JJ: We’ll really rent the amusement park^^! Until the day we get number one… AJA AJA~ ^^

Fan: If you see me at a big concert, you must shake hands with me
JJ: I got it, our little cutie.

Fan: Oppa, how about having a passionate night with me today?
JJ: I already have plans with Yunho

Fan: (Yunjae picture) Date, date, date~ Tell me honestly, you guys are dating, right?
JJ: I’m joking, you never know, we might be dating.

Fan: Jaejoong, Yunho is mine. Give me~~
JJ: But Yunho is a little expensive~~!

Fan: Please tell me who is the most handsome amongst the members
JJ: Ah~ I’m also hesitating on whether I should reply

Fan: Jaejae Oppa! My mom thought that TVXQ is a mixed group!
JJ: That’s a little out of the ordinary

Fan: If you go back to Japan right after the Asia Song Festival, when will you return? Do we still have to wait?
JJ: It’s good to have something to look forward to in future~!

Fan: Please give me a reply, just one
JJ: Really just this one reply?

Fan: Oppa, shall we escape out of the country?
JJ: Let’s go?

Fan: Changmin Oppa, are you still watching those stuff? (T/N: PORN! LOL)
CM: I don’t watch them anymore.

Fan: Oppa, if I get first in my level, let’s have a meal together.
CM: Let’s wait until you get it first then we’ll see.

Fan: Yunho Oppa! If you don’t reply my message, then you must marry me!
CM: Yunho-hyung, I saved your life.

Fan: I can’t express my feelings right now
CM: Then keep trying until you can express it (laugh)

Fan: What should I do to become taller?
CM: It depends on talent.

Fan: I want to become Yunho Oppa’s daughter
CM: This is not something you can do just because you want it

Fan: How was Oppa born? How are children born?
CM: Please learn from [Kusone Ahjumma's beautiful children sex eduation] (T/N: A programme I think)
Fan: Tell me! I want to hear Oppa’s explanation
CM: Long-winded!!!

Fan: Say an “I love you” to me
CM: I’m not such an easy guy

Fan: I think I should have reply too (tears). If I send a few hundred, will I get a reply?
CM: You can try???

Fan: I belong to Changmin Oppa
CM: This is something that is not on my list of things I own

Fan: I miss you^^ (T/N: What follows is said in English, Japanese and Chinese) I love you.
CM: Your grasp of foreign language is good

Fan: Oppa, if the children are named ilranghae (1), eeranghae (2), samranghae (3), what would the name of the fourth child be?
CM: Saranghae (T/N: sounds the same as “I love you” in Korean)

sorry sorry sorry sorry

i’ll update soon enough. give me a while yea? (:

birthday list finally up.

my birthday wish is finally decided. (:

you can get me:
1) Jodi Picoult books.
[but i have read quite a few. you can buy the followings:
- mercy
- keeping faith
- perfect match
- second glance
- vanishing acts
- the tenth circle]

2) wallet
[not the one i am holding now. it doesnt suit me. you know it. (:]

okay. let me know what you are getting okay? i dont want any clashes.

one week. many lessons.

started work for one week and quit on friday.
its not that i hate it. but i know this is not the job.
when i told the team manager i wanted to quit,
she said things like i was wasting my trainer’s time and all.
after that she said she sees potential in me.
and she wanted to give my $40 sales i earned for one week to my trainer.
tell me what the fuck this is.

anyways, i learnt many things about myself this week.
most importantly, i am an indecisive bitch in the team manager’s eyes.

oh wells.

Since the day you left without saying goodbye, I feel that everything around me has changed.
The promise that i made to become your everything, and the incomplete memories have also changed.
When you were crying by yourself back then, if only i had ran to you,
you would still be by my side.
If i was given one more chance, i would have told you ‘i love you’ once more.
but the words that contain my overflowing feelings, cannot reach you anymore.
Where are you? Who are you with?
What kind of clothes are you wearing? What are you doing and laughing at?
I am right here. Even now, i am right here. This feelings wont change.
And i still believe that we will see each other again.
You are the only one i’m thinking of.
I cant forget you but the truth is i dont want to.
I cant even feel abit of happiness because you are not here.
No matter how hard i try, I’ll end up crying and my tears just wont stop.
Even though i dont have any reasons to embrace this pain anymore, I just cant help doing it.
Even if i know that the days you were by my side, making my world shine wont come back again,
and no matter what will happen and no matter how far i’m lost,
i never ever want to forget that my heart has chosen to love you.

In my dream last night, you were coming towards me,
those words that were whispered, the hair that touched my face.
Waking up from my dream is so clear, the tears at my eyes told me.
that you being with me was just a dream.
Please dont just leave like that, please hold me once more.
When i close my eyes again to see you, hold me in the place where i am standing.
even when i open my eyes, your figure is still clear.
the sadness in my eyes told me, that you being with me was just a dream.
no matter how hard i try, no matter how many tantrums i throw
please dont leave just like that. please come back.

Harte To Control!

dont ask me why i said that. i just felt like it.
anyways, was reading the pact and one sentence caught my attention.
not that i have never heard of it before.
but it just somehow caught my attention. maybe because of what has been happening.
‘forgive and you shall be forgiven.’
yea. i will forgive. i’ll learn how to. (:

been looking for jobs online and sending resume here and there.
i dont want to get my hopes too high.
because i dont want to get too disappointed at the end.

seriously, the only person i wish to talk to now is only peiying.
because at least i know she wouldnt turn her back and gossip about me.
why are there so fake people in my life?
cheewee said i was too kind. yea. maybe i am.
i am going to be evil now and start protecting myself.
ANITA! SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND DONT SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE EVER AGAIN.

something to make me smile. (: